03-11-2016, 01:18 AM
Many thanks to everyone for their comments; really useful and instructive. To be honest I wrote this many years ago (along with a few more) and havent written anything since. I was pretty busy with my work but also for some reason seemed to lose inspiration, almost overnight! Anyway dont want to bore you all with my life story but I'm trying to get back into this again so just thought I would cast this in and see what people thought. Really pleased at the depth of the comments. Lots to think about !! I agree the metre needs much closer attention and also the sense of the poem. And I'll go back and have a look at the rhyme scheme again. Re sh50 comments- interesting, hadnt thought of it that way, just the a yearning for a lost era. Thanks again everyone!
Sorry one quick question -Billy and UselessBluePrint, you both pointed out that "perilous" was two syllables. True but can it not be read as an elison, therefore a single syllable? Does that not work for you?
Sorry one quick question -Billy and UselessBluePrint, you both pointed out that "perilous" was two syllables. True but can it not be read as an elison, therefore a single syllable? Does that not work for you?