03-10-2016, 05:48 PM
(03-09-2016, 11:14 PM)ellajam Wrote: It's True, The Earth Is Flat (a response to Dale's Fresh and Young)the poem has a workable head and feet. the body is missing... unless that's the whole point of the poem, a clever, clever, pun?
I hear your pleas to start again,
your longing to reclaim youth's yang, .....I'd prefer 'your burning yen for youthful yang' (look! an almost - pun!)
to wear again the supple skin
as if life were a boomerang. ....I understand that boomerangs come back and life doesn't, but since a boomerang has nothing to do with supple skin, the simile is weak. I would suggest 'and run from being life's also-ran'. I thought of that line and therefore I love it.Even if it's not 100% sensible.
Am I the only one who feels
one lifetime has been quite enough, .....nice 2 lines
whose fractured soul still quakes and reels .....I like the preceding two lines, but 'fractured soul' is going too far
at images so sharp, so tough
to comprehend as human cries .....'images so tough to comprehend as human cries ring out to heavens born of dreams....' this is going into a death spiral
ring out to heavens born of dreams,
who's had their fill of truth, of lies
and soured on unending schemes?
I wonder if I'll feel the same
the day I'm stepping off this plane. .....nice ending
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe


.Even if it's not 100% sensible.