It's True, The Earth Is Flat edit 1 (Tiger, Tom, Achebe)

[ellajam]

Hey Ella. Excellent job with this. I'm not sure which of the two poems gives a sadder perspective. The "flat earth" metaphor works really well at representing what is finite.

 

It's True, The Earth Is Flat (a response to Dale's Fresh and Young)


I hear your pleas to start again,
your longing to reclaim youth's yang,
to wear again the supple skin would cut "the" for "more"
as if life were a boomerang. in a sour mood I may not like boomerang. For now, I like it.

Am I the only one who feels
one lifetime has been quite enough,
whose fractured soul still quakes and reels
at images so sharp, so tough generally not a fan of "so's" esp. 2 on one line. In this case the 2 instances do different duties, (so) I can live with it.
to comprehend as human cries
ring out to heavens born of dreams,
who's had their fill of truth, of lies
and soured on unending schemes. (?)I think this whole section is one question.

I wonder if I'll feel the same
the day I'm stepping off this plane. Still finding new things in this last line. I'll wait for other responses before discussing.

Much enjoyed, thanks for the read,
Paul

Thanks so much, Paul, first draft. I'm not a fan of L3 "the" either but nothing else came to mind. More is good, I'll see what I can do there.

The "so"s say what I want but in an inelegant way, I'll think on it.

Question mark added, thanks.

Ha on the last line, I hadn't really meant it to be that tricky, I might rethink that.

Much appreciate the read and comments.