The Rain

[rocky20]

Charcoal vapors permeated - I like this imagery, but feel "permeated" isn't the correct verb since it would mean the vapors have dispersed themselves across the sky, which isn't the image I think you are looking for
salmon-colored skies,
thunder rumbled, rippled
and cracked the heavens,
flushing down a rain,
steady and insidious,
like madness. - good switch in tone

The flowers drowned,
the trees grew heavy and saturated;
they flaked and crumbled
to the earth, like ashes.
Rain filled the lungs of children
who reached for elders
with shriveled hands
as water poured out their
noses, ears, and eyes.
They’re cries, ignored by hollow heads - do you mean "they're" or "thier"? Not sure what the intended meaning is
that pounded
incessantly,
like ticking metronomes.
They prayed for the rain to stop,
and they killed all those who didn’t - best line, I think!
pray as they did.

Torrents of rain beat the backs of giants
who struggled to uphold the foundation
of conglomerates;
they’re souls, crushed in the name of - again, problem with the they're usage - clear it up by using "they are" if that's what you really mean
greed; their epitaph,
banal slogans.
Streams and rivers and lakes and oceans
overfilled, and poured into
houses and towns and cities and states.
Countries declared war on the rain,
and fired rockets wildly into the heavens.
Debris filled the atmosphere with death,
and the eyes of the living became clouded, cold,
and deranged.
Savages, they divided,
and slaughtered one another, - lots of ands in this stanza - perhaps shortening it up and making it more choppy would actually help the rhythm and message all in one wallop
until all that was left was
black smoke stacks that silently rose
to the sky.

The rain stopped.
Shallow gusts swept the floors
and buried the remains
of a fallen empire.
The sun beamed through dissipating clouds,
and it looked, blithely,
upon the earth,
and continued to burn.

LOVE this! I love the symbology of the rain and how it flows over all, whether they ask for it or not. I also feel this poem would be well served in the Mild forum since it deserves more intense critiques! Very nicely done.