On Happiness

[kkieran]

“am i happy”- was this a question typed into the search bar? If not, I'd definitely word it differently. Even if it was-- I'd probably try to state this in a different way.
I ask the Internet
as I sit in old pajamas
still in bed on a Saturday
11AM.
I have a staring match with the search bar.
It blinks first, but it is I who’s lost
myself in Google pages
on  topics of self help and otherwise
but helplessly - (but still helpless, maybe?)
I find no self love
anywhere.
 
An ad flashes neon at me:
 
want big tits and no worries
75k working from home
magic pills make you just like
Barbie (yes, the blonde one!)
and answers to all life’s questions?-- I would cut out all of the specifics -- most everyone has seen the types of ads you're referring to, so I  don't think this adds anything vital.
 
Tell me.
no.- Who is saying 'no'? Surely not the internet!
--caps lock--
TELL ME!
for just $19.99/month, you too could…
 
for christ’s sake
 
I tap the “home” key
but I’m not in mommy’s arms;
instead a banner pops up
saying my account balance
is lower than my standards
after a few shots at a frat party.
 

My heart beats its fists into my brain- Rework this.
hapPY? HAPpy? hapPY? HAPPY?-   This isn't working
Like the third day of a caffeine trip.
Maybe it was the coffee on my sheets,
stained by last week’s Joe
“He was handsomer at the bar”
I thought when he smiled and shut my door
the morning after. He never called.
 
 
I could see its rearing head
in the reflection of my Mac screen:- I would put this sentence before the one above, and take out 'Mac'
the zit between my eyebrows
no makeup could cover
the bruises on the inside- since you're going from outer appearance to inner, you need to use a transitional word/phrase
were the ugliest.
 
Double click.
Delete all.
Blink. Blink---
 
Blank.

I think you can do lots with this one to make it much better. There are so many specifics, and though that can be great, I think in this piece it really takes away from the message you're trying to portray. We can find everything on the internet, but self love and happiness-- these are elusive ideals that need to be found within.
K