Revision 3.1
Hell has a dark river, and I am the mouth
that tried to drink it all. The river swallowed
me in return. Until I lodged in its throat,
feeling the sweet water fizz beneath my feet
like a shaken soda left to explode.
I popped
like a champagne cork before a toast
in someone else’s honor, flying
over the mint grass and fondant flowers,
careening off walls to land out of play
in the chute for bad nuts beside
the juicing press. I rolled the Blueberry
Girl like a dung beetle down
a hall I had forgotten
to lick. The Salt Girl, for once, was silent
too busy nursing her bitten fingers.
Some would say that we do not live
in the bones of the factory, that we left
our old selves behind. Each day is now
the same gobstopper. There is no exit,
only each other, the stench of chocolate
and a terrible hunger.
~~~
Edit 3: Mostly from milo's comments. I took some risks.
Edit 3.1: Altered the gobstopper line slightly. (Nick)
Revision 2
Beneath the russet river is a pipe.
With enough pressure, a stuck boy
can be dislodged with a pop
like a champagne cork.
He will careen off the wall, and down
the chute for bad nuts
to land bruised beside
the juicing press.
Like a dung beetle,
he will push the Blueberry Girl
across the floor.
Ignoring the inevitable explosion
of words from that Salt Girl,
who still nurses her bitten fingers.
In this room of no mirrors,
no exit, there is nothing
to acquire, and only each other
with their unblinking eyes,
the stench of chocolate,
and a terrible hunger.
~~~
Edit: Made the change back to terrible, adopted Leanne's edits, and added a bit more that I needed in there.
Revision
Beneath the russet river is a pipe.
Given enough pressure, a stuck boy
can be dislodged with a pop
like a champagne cork.
He will careen off the wall, and down
the chute for bad nuts
to land bruised beside
the juicing press.
Like a dung beetle,
he will push the Blueberry Girl
across the floor.
Ignoring the inevitable explosion
of words from that Salt Girl,
who still nurses her bitten fingers.
In this room of no mirrors,
where there is nothing
to acquire, and only each other
with the stench of chocolate
and a salivating hunger.
~~~
Edit: Made a few word changes, per comments from Nick and Paul.
Original
Beneath the russet river is a pipe.
Given enough pressure, a stuck boy
can be dislodged with a pop
like a champagne cork.
Upon impact, he will slide down
the chute for bad nuts
to land bruised beside
the juicing press.
Like a dung beetle,
he will push the Blueberry Girl
across the floor,
ignoring the inevitable explosion
of words from that Salt Girl.
In this room of no mirrors,
where there is nothing
to acquire, and only each other
with the stench of chocolate
and a terrible hunger.
~~~
Edit: I decided to make a title change.
Hell has a dark river, and I am the mouth
that tried to drink it all. The river swallowed
me in return. Until I lodged in its throat,
feeling the sweet water fizz beneath my feet
like a shaken soda left to explode.
I popped
like a champagne cork before a toast
in someone else’s honor, flying
over the mint grass and fondant flowers,
careening off walls to land out of play
in the chute for bad nuts beside
the juicing press. I rolled the Blueberry
Girl like a dung beetle down
a hall I had forgotten
to lick. The Salt Girl, for once, was silent
too busy nursing her bitten fingers.
Some would say that we do not live
in the bones of the factory, that we left
our old selves behind. Each day is now
the same gobstopper. There is no exit,
only each other, the stench of chocolate
and a terrible hunger.
~~~
Edit 3: Mostly from milo's comments. I took some risks.
Edit 3.1: Altered the gobstopper line slightly. (Nick)
Revision 2
Beneath the russet river is a pipe.
With enough pressure, a stuck boy
can be dislodged with a pop
like a champagne cork.
He will careen off the wall, and down
the chute for bad nuts
to land bruised beside
the juicing press.
Like a dung beetle,
he will push the Blueberry Girl
across the floor.
Ignoring the inevitable explosion
of words from that Salt Girl,
who still nurses her bitten fingers.
In this room of no mirrors,
no exit, there is nothing
to acquire, and only each other
with their unblinking eyes,
the stench of chocolate,
and a terrible hunger.
~~~
Edit: Made the change back to terrible, adopted Leanne's edits, and added a bit more that I needed in there.
Revision
Beneath the russet river is a pipe.
Given enough pressure, a stuck boy
can be dislodged with a pop
like a champagne cork.
He will careen off the wall, and down
the chute for bad nuts
to land bruised beside
the juicing press.
Like a dung beetle,
he will push the Blueberry Girl
across the floor.
Ignoring the inevitable explosion
of words from that Salt Girl,
who still nurses her bitten fingers.
In this room of no mirrors,
where there is nothing
to acquire, and only each other
with the stench of chocolate
and a salivating hunger.
~~~
Edit: Made a few word changes, per comments from Nick and Paul.
Original
Beneath the russet river is a pipe.
Given enough pressure, a stuck boy
can be dislodged with a pop
like a champagne cork.
Upon impact, he will slide down
the chute for bad nuts
to land bruised beside
the juicing press.
Like a dung beetle,
he will push the Blueberry Girl
across the floor,
ignoring the inevitable explosion
of words from that Salt Girl.
In this room of no mirrors,
where there is nothing
to acquire, and only each other
with the stench of chocolate
and a terrible hunger.
~~~
Edit: I decided to make a title change.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson