02-03-2016, 02:08 AM
Cringe-inducing was perhaps an unkindly characterization; I was in a bit of a mood for some reason when I responded to this. Nevertheless, I disagree strongly that typography and layout have no effect on meaning. The effects can be subtle, and in many cases irrelevant, but they are very real. Still not a fan of the title -- I suppose it helps establish the connection between the N and the girl, but I don't think such value outwieghs the other issues with it.
I didn't say the grammar was wrong, I said it felt a bit random to me. Technically -- and correct me if I am wrong -- the section beginning "even with the whirring of the...." is a (somewhat extended) modifying phrase; such are often set off by commas -- not saying they necessarily must be, that is a different debate, but certainly can be and customarily often are. But this isn't prose, and I am definitely not a grammar nazi, so I said "feels to me".
If the N is actually tolling a bell, for me it kind of undercuts the opening. "Tolling" implies a huge bell -- you don't "toll" the front desk bell at the motel, you toll the church bells in the tower. So, it is like: I know you can hear me, late at night, over the cat's on your neighbors roofs (which indicates it is a quiet neighborhood) and the fan by your bed, as I hammer a huge bell a few feet from your window (girl next door....), I know you can hear me; my thought reading it is -- Buddy, everyone within five to ten miles can hear you...
I am curious though, what is the potter's yard -- I tried running an (albeit quick) web search, and got nothing conclusive.
While I am intellectually tickled by the idea of using a literary device that means cross with a line involving Christ, I am not sure I see it here: What elements are inverting?
I didn't say the grammar was wrong, I said it felt a bit random to me. Technically -- and correct me if I am wrong -- the section beginning "even with the whirring of the...." is a (somewhat extended) modifying phrase; such are often set off by commas -- not saying they necessarily must be, that is a different debate, but certainly can be and customarily often are. But this isn't prose, and I am definitely not a grammar nazi, so I said "feels to me".
If the N is actually tolling a bell, for me it kind of undercuts the opening. "Tolling" implies a huge bell -- you don't "toll" the front desk bell at the motel, you toll the church bells in the tower. So, it is like: I know you can hear me, late at night, over the cat's on your neighbors roofs (which indicates it is a quiet neighborhood) and the fan by your bed, as I hammer a huge bell a few feet from your window (girl next door....), I know you can hear me; my thought reading it is -- Buddy, everyone within five to ten miles can hear you...
I am curious though, what is the potter's yard -- I tried running an (albeit quick) web search, and got nothing conclusive.
While I am intellectually tickled by the idea of using a literary device that means cross with a line involving Christ, I am not sure I see it here: What elements are inverting?