02-02-2016, 03:31 PM
A few counter-notes, though in general I do agree this could be somewhat clearer:
The title being in all-caps is an editorial choice. It has no bearing to the poem's meaning whatsoever.
Grammatically, the lack of punctuation at that point is correct. Read it again.
No, it's to the -- the ceiling and the beams creak to the prowling....the prowling causes the creaking. But that line, "the creaking", can be removed, yes.
And the rats and owls are prowling on the roofs of the neighborhood, not just the girl's house -- this is partly why "the creaking" should be removed, I think.
N is tolling a bell, yes, though the bell is meant to mean something, especially with the poem concluding with the speaker and the girl in a coffin. The potter's yard is a literary (fine, Biblical) choice that zoomed over your head, yes. And I will never write for whom the bell tolls, xP
This last part was meant to create a chiasmus, but I do agree that it could be cleaned up.
And the girl next door, though it does mean someone desired, also means someone who desires, who waits for someone's return. It's a loaded reference, but obviously I didn't succeed there.
The title being in all-caps is an editorial choice. It has no bearing to the poem's meaning whatsoever.
Grammatically, the lack of punctuation at that point is correct. Read it again.
No, it's to the -- the ceiling and the beams creak to the prowling....the prowling causes the creaking. But that line, "the creaking", can be removed, yes.
And the rats and owls are prowling on the roofs of the neighborhood, not just the girl's house -- this is partly why "the creaking" should be removed, I think.
N is tolling a bell, yes, though the bell is meant to mean something, especially with the poem concluding with the speaker and the girl in a coffin. The potter's yard is a literary (fine, Biblical) choice that zoomed over your head, yes. And I will never write for whom the bell tolls, xP
This last part was meant to create a chiasmus, but I do agree that it could be cleaned up.
And the girl next door, though it does mean someone desired, also means someone who desires, who waits for someone's return. It's a loaded reference, but obviously I didn't succeed there.