Will and Testament

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks guys. I'm not quite ready to edit yet. I wrote this quickly this afternoon after passing the lake. I think my biggest problem is the "There are days.." section. It sounds preachy and I'm not sure how to fix it yet. Also, I think Brujo was right that it should be "in" if kept. 

Not sure what to do with this. It came out raw.

Will and Testament
 
Dad never wanted
to be cremated.
Just don’t burn me, he’d say. <--- dialogue should in quotations
The facts were he was dead
and never planned anything.      
 
My ex wants to be put in a wall.  like in a mausoleum? Sort of. Like I said, I don't know the details 
I don’t know the details
but I’m sure my daughter is good for it.
 
Me?
I think I’d like to be a tree.   <-- What's the purpose of this? Kind of annoying rhyme you may be right, will likely change me to myself
 
But I was thinking of you, Leslie,  <-- Leslie is the ex-wife, or a deceased partner? however heinous, it remains a somewhat local story. I'm aware this piece has limited reach.
while driving past Lake Gibson 
this frozen Sunday 
after a night of contrived forgetting;
I was thinking of you.  <-- not sure anything is gained here with this repetition not sure yet either
 
No one asks to have their limbs encased  I'm lost here.  Are we talking about the chick who wants to be a wall?
in a concrete block
and  their torso
encased in another.
No one plans for that.  
 
Their are days when we die
by varying degrees  "varying degrees" doesn't make sense here unless your talking about temperature
If not, I think it's in varying degrees 
and that day was one.  

None of us knows what to do next.  Dramatic end

Here is my impression

What I think I read was a an internal monologue by a speaker who, after contemplating the details of his father's funeral/death, reflects on himself and people in his life.  Beyond that, it gets a little fuzzy.  The speaker talks about a weekend of forgetting and the constant thoughts of a woman named Leslie, though it is not entirely clear who she is.
The last two stanzas are confusing and don't seem to bring anything together in a coherent way.  What I surmise is that the author is trying to comment on the details of death and funerals and how we plan/don't plan them, and how no one is really ready to pass on or accept fate.  However, this could be communicated in a more effective fashion.

I hope these comments help. This seems to be a bit personal, I look forward to reading a final version.

-Nick

After thinking about the personal address and how that death scene might have happened (my first thought was the twin towers but that wasn't quite there) I googled Leslie and dismembered, ugh, yes these things stay with us and pop up when prompted. I like the piece, only a few reads so far but some notes below.

Not sure what to do with this. It came out raw.

Will and Testament
 
Dad never wanted
to be cremated.
Just don’t burn me, he’d say.
The facts were he was dead You might consider present tense for this line, "The fact was", to match the lines below it. I used "were" because facts was plural. I think it's right, but need fresh eyes
and never planned anything.
I like this, the way people spout their opinions but never take action.
 
My ex wants to be put in a wall.
I don’t know the details
but I’m sure my daughter is good for it.
Love the wall, my aunt's in one, a sliding shelf in a wall, odd for me. "is good for it" you might be able to say in a better way. agreed about "good for it" . I am going change to "honour" in some form
 
Me?
I think I’d like to be a tree.
Love this, tho you're as bad as dad, in what form should we plant you?  you're right, I am 
 
But I was thinking of you, Leslie,
while driving past Lake Gibson 
this frozen Sunday
after a night of contrived forgetting;
I was thinking of you.
I like the specifics here, puts me in the car, I like "contrived forgetting", I'm on the fence on the repeated line.
 
No one asks to have their limbs encased
in a concrete block
and  their torso
encased in another.
No one plans for that.
 I like bringing in the idea of a non-natural death and that all the planning in the world doesn't control the actual death and like dad, then there's no control.

Their are days when we die
by varying degrees
and that day was one.

None of us knows what to do next.
Strong, empty ending, next is a tough concept after death.

It's a good read, I hope my notes help.

Thanks for the help Brujo and Ella. I wasn't even sure this would be a poem. There is no fiction here. The easy ones to write are the hardest to share. But ya know, if you can get one person to google... thx Ella.