Through Glass (Edit #1)

[Brujo]

I feel like I've been picking on everyone without posting anything original lately....so be kind when i finally do get a chance.

I don't like your new format,  maybe it's just me but it's hard to read and there's no punctuation so it reads like a run on sentence.  I am having trouble understanding what some of the modifiers are attached to.

Swallowing a rippling filter is lost on me, as is sweat presumably under water

Thanks for reading again aschueler.  Yea I thought about that too.  Maybe because I'm reading it how I want it to sound, a problem a tend to have.  I'm going to have to play with punctuation and see if I can keep the shape.  

what I was going for for "Swallowing a rippling filter" was the noise of a generic fish tank transforming into a Amazon stream.  Sweat was intended to be as how a rain forest sweats moisture when the sun is out.

I appreciate your input!

-Nick

2 IPa's and a full belly later....

Consider  changing the end a bit to  something akin to "...amazon stream/from which rises a tribal sweat with spirit" Et al.

The filter bit still is weird.  

Maybe "as the burbling filter becomes engulfed by burgeoning river"

But  2 beers as noted.

Haha cheers man!

I like the sound of those lines, I'll try playing with them and see what happens!