Black Shuck

[Brujo]

Black dog,
Black dog,  Why the repetition here?
what do you see?
                         She sees you,  Whose voice is this?  Now that that the dog sees the speaker, his death is imminent 
                         keenly.

This black dog bites.
Deciever Deceiver, liar with      I'm sure is these first three lines are necessary, or they could be replaced with something more interesting
hidden demon face,
she feeds 
her pup 
poison milk from These lines suggest that the black dog is poisoning her pup purposefully.  Is that part of the legend?
bitter teat.

Then eats 
what remains   what remains of what? hopefully not her pup!
and complains  how do demon dogs complain?  Howl?
of emptiness.

Sinewy, hungry with
saucer brown eyes  Some say Black Shuck has only one eye like a cyclops.  This would be a cooler image me thinks
she stalks you  
                     and your child.  why is line indented? Again maybe part of the Black Shuck folklore I'm missing.  If the the speaker saw the demon shouldn't she be the one destined to die?

aschueler,

I like the idea of this poem.  Black Shuck is definitely a frighteningly awesome subject for a poem.  However, I think you can do a lot more with this.  First, you could make your lines longer and more descriptive, maybe that's my stylistic preference, but I think when you have such a cool image as a demon dog of death there's room to scare the reader with some evil imagery.  Second, I think you should make it more clear that Black shuck symbolizes death.  You say in the last two likes that "she stalks you and your child," however, I don't think this gives the impression as a harbinger of death.  

Overall, I like where you're going with this and look forward to a revised version.  

Best

-Nick