01-30-2016, 08:35 AM
(01-30-2016, 08:21 AM)aschueler Wrote: I feel like I've been picking on everyone without posting anything original lately....so be kind when i finally do get a chance.
I don't like your new format, maybe it's just me but it's hard to read and there's no punctuation so it reads like a run on sentence. I am having trouble understanding what some of the modifiers are attached to.
Swallowing a rippling filter is lost on me, as is sweat presumably under water
Thanks for reading again aschueler. Yea I thought about that too. Maybe because I'm reading it how I want it to sound, a problem a tend to have. I'm going to have to play with punctuation and see if I can keep the shape.
what I was going for for "Swallowing a rippling filter" was the noise of a generic fish tank transforming into a Amazon stream. Sweat was intended to be as how a rain forest sweats moisture when the sun is out.
I appreciate your input!
-Nick