The Poet Tree

[LukeSizemore]

There's nothing wrong with making up words, though some are more effective than others. The two you pointed out aren't so bad. You have its and it's inconsistencies and other possessive problems. The long lines, I think, fit the subject, even with the rhymes, though the choice and execution of rhymes here isn't the best. The God's great pearl line is stretching toward good imagery and metaphor, even stretching for beyond those things, but is a great example of the weakness of the poem. It feels like a war between inexperience with form and profound sentiments, as if you're fighting it out with the rhymes and leaping through the meter instinctively like over a bridge of stepping-stones with adrenaline, getting lucky here and there but falling short too. All of this goes perfectly with your theme, the tree would be complicated by other decisions and revisions, but complications might add to it, somehow.

Hey, thanks for the input! This is actually the first poem I've ever tried to write, just sat down and penned it one day. I haven't studied form or anything the way I would need to if I were more serious about it. I love your input though and I can definitely see what some of you're seeing!