Campus cold: Edit 2

[BW BRINE]

The buzzing of electric light --- I would lose 'of' or make 'light' plural
illuminates the cold campus sidewalks.- I'd lose the 'the'
The autumn wind shimmers the trees,- I'd try another verb here....and specify the type of tree for added depth
evicting the leaves from their once-called homes.- lose the 'the' before leaves

The pattering of untied shoes
with laces bouncing upon leather tongues- I'd maybe change 'upon' to 'on' and take out 'with'
reminds me of the better days- no 'the' needed here
when laughter was the currency of youth.

-BW BRINE

Nice overall flow, but I'd add another stanza to tie it all together. There's a disconnect between the two right now.

Do you suggest a new stanza in the middle, or at the end? Also, thanks for the suggestions (and everyone else, thanks, too - they have been noted).

I'm wondering about buzzing electric light. Although it can happen, perhaps it would be better to think of something more related to light. “harsh glow”, “soft glow” - something that relates to light but sets the mood. This is really only a minor point.
The second stanza has an air of something lost and, in fact, I sense a strong feeling over the last line. To me it means when life was carefree and happiness came easily, and was the main thing shared.

The electric light is a lamppost; a streetlight. When you walk under the streetlights, you can hear the electrical circuits buzzing.

The second stanza is supposed to be "painting a picture" of youth being lost in this campus cold (what with the whole growing up thing). I do agree that there should be another stanza to make that more clear, but as of yet I haven't done anything to accomplish that.

-BW