Memento Mori

[ellajam]

Memento Mori
 
the great equalizer
of the final frontier - While these opening lines are a fine intro they are nothing new and don't really set the mood as well as the line below, you might consider starting there.
        quiet as the hawks and harriers
        sent to carry our bones
        to the bed we have made I like the softness of these lines, especially L3, you might consider a softer word than carry, thought it's are fine for me as is.
(go to sleep and good night,
there is no need for mourning) I like the night/mourning and I like the parenthetical conversational tone.
 
the mute seraph
white stork
stole your soul
gave you to Gaia
(a biennial bairn) I don't understand biennial here.
for her costume garden I like the Gaia/garden and the whole idea of this.
 
the mathematicians The change from the last strophe to this one made me miss punctuation or some other transition. Possibly if you combined S1/S2 the white space here would prepare me a bit better.
and realists and bankers
wonder if there is an art to dying Meh, I don't know if they're worrying about art or method.
 
the zealots and Baptists
and Mormons are deifying
their casserole allegories Love this line.
 
the extent of language -
narrowed by the egotists
what can't be said
should be sung 
(when there aren't any words
then we can just hum) I enjoy this whole strophe.
 
charging towards
the great mirage
(constructs of wishful wishing)
assuming that space is vast enough
to hold our needs
night after night
we stare at stars
and wish away their
credibility No nits here except the break on "their".
 
Capitalism-
our sacred puppeteer
selling the rights
to eternal life
(and acres on the moon, too)
the rich are buying their
legacies with life insurance
policies
Meh, this one strikes me as nothing new. 

Poe inspired poets lie
awake in the rustling night
dreaming of dying,
and romanticize lying I'm not sure you need this line, I think I would get the idea.
in her sepulchre
there by the sea
Lovely rustling, dreaming, dying.
 
but as is our arrival -
we depart without
station.
to go (or not go)
somewhere (or nowhere)
captivated (still)
by our own (unassuming)
impression
I'm not sure about "unassuming", otherwise nice sum-up.

I found the parentheses fun and the whole piece a good read. Thanks for posting it, I hope some of my notes help.