Campus cold: Edit 2

[kkieran]

The buzzing of electric light --- I would lose 'of' or make 'light' plural
illuminates the cold campus sidewalks.- I'd lose the 'the'
The autumn wind shimmers the trees,- I'd try another verb here....and specify the type of tree for added depth
evicting the leaves from their once-called homes.- lose the 'the' before leaves

The pattering of untied shoes
with laces bouncing upon leather tongues- I'd maybe change 'upon' to 'on' and take out 'with'
reminds me of the better days- no 'the' needed here
when laughter was the currency of youth.

-BW BRINE

Nice overall flow, but I'd add another stanza to tie it all together. There's a disconnect between the two right now.