Hi mlund,
A few comments for you on this short piece.
You have a title that is an abstract concept. If you're going to do that it is even more important that the substance of your poem has more concrete imagery. What you are doing here is abstract title and abstract content. Changing the title to something more concrete is also a way to address this issue.
Sometimes I feel so lonely that I have to--weak opening line mostly because of the break on the preposition.
Remove myself
To solitude,
So that for once what I am feeling
Is not all in my head--The main issue i have with the poem, though, is that the speaker mentions what they are feeling but there is no feeling in the poem. The problem with using abstract concepts is that it feels like you are gliding over the poem as you would an icy pond. It possesses a sort of emotional shorthand like it's the cliff notes version of an experience.
Consider more concrete imagery to get to the heart of your idea.
I hope some of that helps.
Best,
Todd
A few comments for you on this short piece.
You have a title that is an abstract concept. If you're going to do that it is even more important that the substance of your poem has more concrete imagery. What you are doing here is abstract title and abstract content. Changing the title to something more concrete is also a way to address this issue.
Sometimes I feel so lonely that I have to--weak opening line mostly because of the break on the preposition.
Remove myself
To solitude,
So that for once what I am feeling
Is not all in my head--The main issue i have with the poem, though, is that the speaker mentions what they are feeling but there is no feeling in the poem. The problem with using abstract concepts is that it feels like you are gliding over the poem as you would an icy pond. It possesses a sort of emotional shorthand like it's the cliff notes version of an experience.
Consider more concrete imagery to get to the heart of your idea.
I hope some of that helps.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson