01-13-2016, 02:29 PM
Nice Band avatar.
Thanks for the tips, I'll work them into the poem.
I will say I have no desire to expand/explain why I love this girl in this poem. The fact is I do have love for her, and the fact is she has issues. This poem is darkness - her issues and my inability to walk away from it. I can tell you all about her goodness and she does have plenty of it, but I don't intend for this poem to radiate positivity/paint either of us as angels
Honestly half of me wants to delete the 2nd/3rd stanzas and either do a shorter poem or find something better to put in. This literally took like 2 minutes to write - it came right out. I'm most proud of the last stanza personally but I'm glad you like the cold imagery of the first. I write music sometimes and am considering using the last verse as a chorus for a Dead Flowers-esque song
Thanks for the tips, I'll work them into the poem.
I will say I have no desire to expand/explain why I love this girl in this poem. The fact is I do have love for her, and the fact is she has issues. This poem is darkness - her issues and my inability to walk away from it. I can tell you all about her goodness and she does have plenty of it, but I don't intend for this poem to radiate positivity/paint either of us as angels
Honestly half of me wants to delete the 2nd/3rd stanzas and either do a shorter poem or find something better to put in. This literally took like 2 minutes to write - it came right out. I'm most proud of the last stanza personally but I'm glad you like the cold imagery of the first. I write music sometimes and am considering using the last verse as a chorus for a Dead Flowers-esque song