12-05-2015, 10:34 AM
lots of cliche; try and be as original as possible
once the cliche is sorted out, post an edit. there is too much to fix all at once in novice
once the cliche is sorted out, post an edit. there is too much to fix all at once in novice
(11-07-2015, 03:55 AM)the man with the spoon Wrote: A walk among the tombstones
A walk among the tombstones, the opening line holds the reader
I look upon a star. and the 2nd loses the reader...all is lost
The night of moon is on us,
you wander off too far.
Your breathing starts to quicken,
my heart begins to race.
The trees once sparse now thicken
I long for your embrace.
The clouds, they start to cover,
the moonlight we once shared.
From sight, I now have lost you, inversion seldom works well, this is no exception.
that thought renders me scared.
A love I thought was rising,
like the moon, that glowing ball.
The star I once was eyeing,
now begins to fall.