a night and a day

[skadragon]

I certainly disappeared for a but, didn't I? Wasn't intentional. I'd first like to say thank you for all your responses. They are greatly appreciated/

It seems like a good Captain's Verse. Though the part where you pull and enfold is a tell. That it's not quite but a good effort. The sun and Earth comparison is nice. You could get away with the gentler still, real nice. It just somehow universally falls away in the where fingers swim. You might pull too far away.

I'm sorry, but what is a Captain's Verse? I'm not familiar with that and google didn't really shed light. I'm left wondering how it falls away and what I pulled to far from.

I think this well written and pleasant to read. I think a nice consistent flow is built into the language you use, but I feel the word unobtrusively in line 7 disturbs it slightly. Also I'm not completely sold on your title, I like the idea of putting dawn into the title (maybe something along the lines of "A Day Dawns", just an idea though). Thank you, I really like this piece.

unobtrusive is an obtrusive word isn't it? I kind of like things to not flow too perfectly. I have been critisized previously for using the word 'untoward'. The title is still in the works. I don't really have a title for it. I just didn't want to call it Untitled XX. I am very glad you enjoyed it.

I found this poem very interesting seeing as it has a good flow and is reasonably easy to read and follow along with it. You also used some good imagery. I cannot see very much wrong with it, apart from the fact that maybe you should put 'to enfold' at the end of line 4 instead of on a separate line because it doesn't go along with the list that follows. But overall, excellent job

I must say that I like 'to enfold' on a new line because the starting of a new line to me bear some slight degree of emphasis which was meant there. Also, to me that line goes more with the next two lines than the one that preceeds it. Maybe that doesn't come across as such.