11-30-2015, 07:28 PM
I think that this is a powerful exposition of a scenario that most people have experienced in their life. It could be further developed to cover the inevitable fact that the person in question is extremely unlikely to allow the protagonist to love them.
I am not sure I believe that the character got a tattoo. Also, I instinctively feel that good writing should implicitly demonstrate emphasis rather than rely on italics. That said, I have very little knowledge of the proper form in this regard (if indeed there is one). I also agree with the other comments about the tense being confusing.
The title maybe seems a bit obvious and I am not sure it encapsulates the sentiment.
All told though the sentiment and tone are well done, and it makes for an interesting read, that also evokes memories of my school life.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Deakin
I am not sure I believe that the character got a tattoo. Also, I instinctively feel that good writing should implicitly demonstrate emphasis rather than rely on italics. That said, I have very little knowledge of the proper form in this regard (if indeed there is one). I also agree with the other comments about the tense being confusing.
The title maybe seems a bit obvious and I am not sure it encapsulates the sentiment.
All told though the sentiment and tone are well done, and it makes for an interesting read, that also evokes memories of my school life.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Deakin