Genetic Faith Edit 2 Leanne, ronsaik

[tectak]

Some more suggestions...

Hot blood in hearts breeds faith in fury;  --------- As described earlier, it reads better if starting from 'no young'
war in an over-spill, over-kill land.
No young men live for childhood here,
but for the fire that burns them back
into the wombs of virgins. ------------------------- the womb of birth and the wombs of the virgins, to make sense of 'burns back'

Their sisters, dark from beneath the cloth, --------- 'dark beneath' suggests blacks skin, rather than the darkness under the burqa, which is your intention.
make wails yet praise their brother's deaths;
tears fall in shame into Shariah shade. ---------- couldn't understand this line at all. What is 'Shariah shade'?

Come to this place and meet the godhead,
smell His smoke and see His flame. ------------------ Smoke and flames suggest hell, but it's heaven that the Jihadis are aiming for. If you want to highlight the paradox, it's not obvious.

I don't like the rest. I think you've got a good start, but need to rewrite the rest. Just my view. So leaving it as it is.

Hear the crack and quake of triumph,
but know that only death can save.
Defeat is glory to the fallen; to win, a pyrrhic paradox.
The cancer cells are in the lymph
and in the blood of infidels.

The strategy is wisely chosen...
metastasise, kill from within.
There is no cure, there is no answer.
Cytotoxins kill the body;
belief will loose genetic hold.

All the boys have killed their quota,
mothers have gathered  cells of sons,
raining down from the prophet's hands.
This is the end...the dying writhing.
Not of mankind, but of blind faith. Praise be.

tectak
2015

Hi rons,
Sorry for late thanks. It slipped past me. I am very much afraid that I am forging this piece instead of constructing it. It is too hot. I need to let things cool down, especially in the light of recent barbaric events. Point-Poems should be written from the heart but via the head...not the other way round. I am slowly making this one worse. All crit will be eaten.
Thanks again.
tectak