11-11-2015, 10:06 AM
@rayheinrich - Yes, thanks, "chastened" was only a passing thought. Is it etiquette in this forum to wait until critiques stop coming in, to post another poem?
@AlstonTowers - Thank you for the read, comments, and suggestion. I'll think about removing "a" in l.2 - it is smoother, but I like an accented first syllable on that line. Small changes, most ambivalent; a big change is more obviously right or wrong.
@Joatmon - Thank you, it is a lot of advice for a small poem, but I did mark myself as relatively new to free verse, and the advice has been very good. Need to get into the rhythm of the site, learn how long to wait before posting an edit.
@AlstonTowers - Thank you for the read, comments, and suggestion. I'll think about removing "a" in l.2 - it is smoother, but I like an accented first syllable on that line. Small changes, most ambivalent; a big change is more obviously right or wrong.
@Joatmon - Thank you, it is a lot of advice for a small poem, but I did mark myself as relatively new to free verse, and the advice has been very good. Need to get into the rhythm of the site, learn how long to wait before posting an edit.
Non-practicing atheist