11-09-2015, 01:00 PM
Five deer walk -- Excellent solution.
Antlerless has disappeared
dim changed to dull -- Cool!
sprites -- what a great idea!
"sobered Fauns" -- You sly devil you, that fixed the faun problem and
added an interesting level of complexity that compliments the poem's intent.
I didn't think I called for that many commas, well, whatever,
I pretty much agree with ellajam at the moment.
My problem with advising anyone about the use of punctuation marks,
is that I rarely (as in never) use them in my poems. I vary the line lengths
so the end-pause does most of the punctuation. I do the rest by inserting
blank lines and varying syllable lengths and metric feet.
I also don't capitalize anything.
So you can see why I might be a bit creaky when it comes to those various
types of machination.
A good poem to start with, an excellent one now.
ray
Antlerless has disappeared
dim changed to dull -- Cool!
sprites -- what a great idea!
"sobered Fauns"
-- You sly devil you, that fixed the faun problem and added an interesting level of complexity that compliments the poem's intent.
I didn't think I called for that many commas, well, whatever,
I pretty much agree with ellajam at the moment.
My problem with advising anyone about the use of punctuation marks,
is that I rarely (as in never) use them in my poems. I vary the line lengths
so the end-pause does most of the punctuation. I do the rest by inserting
blank lines and varying syllable lengths and metric feet.
I also don't capitalize anything.
So you can see why I might be a bit creaky when it comes to those various
types of machination.
A good poem to start with, an excellent one now.
ray
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions