11-07-2015, 11:48 AM
why do i find this interesting?
it's confusing though. really confusing. i feel like you cropped out parts of this poem and forgot to add them back in.
as soon as you mentioned ark i thought to noah's ark, especially since you mentioned survival and monsters in the next two lines. i like those two lines. they're meaty lines. i'm not really familiar with noah's ark, but did it last? maybe this was intentional but there's a few comma splices. overall i get a noah's ark feeling from the poem.
the suffocation line, to me, returns the poem to a more individual focus (as do the first two lines). after suffocation, he last two lines lose me. totally lose me. like i have nothing to say because i'm so mind boggled.
no matter how much i think, i don't get this one. i like it though. lots of ways you can interpret it. i like the brevity too; it's concise and says whatever it's saying quite nicely.
anyways, those were my thoughts! good luck with this if you intend to edit. thanks for the read.
it's confusing though. really confusing. i feel like you cropped out parts of this poem and forgot to add them back in.
as soon as you mentioned ark i thought to noah's ark, especially since you mentioned survival and monsters in the next two lines. i like those two lines. they're meaty lines.
i'm not really familiar with noah's ark, but did it last? maybe this was intentional but there's a few comma splices. overall i get a noah's ark feeling from the poem. the suffocation line, to me, returns the poem to a more individual focus (as do the first two lines). after suffocation, he last two lines lose me. totally lose me. like i have nothing to say because i'm so mind boggled.
no matter how much i think, i don't get this one. i like it though. lots of ways you can interpret it. i like the brevity too; it's concise and says whatever it's saying quite nicely.
anyways, those were my thoughts! good luck with this if you intend to edit. thanks for the read.
like you've been shot (bang bang bang)