October the First

[alatos]

Just some scribblings I'd like to get thoughts on- thanks for reading 


October the First

I long for that longing. 
The night’s coldness creeps into me,
The farthest reaches of my body,
And I wish I had someone to wish for.
 
Someone to ache for.
Someone to bring back the warmth in my fingertips,
Toes,
The tip of my nose.

The lack of hurting hurts,
Despising the emptiness of my bed
Would at least mean it was once full.
The lack of a feeling makes me feel more.

It makes the fall leaves fall harder. 
Like the world collapses-
Or at least a world collapses-
As each one tumbles down.

It’s final destination is 
Simply the crunch of a step 
On the way to 
Wherever you are going.

But if I am the leaf,
No shoe has cared enough to notice me,
To come across me,
Even to step on me. 

I may be shriveled and soggy
Before anyone
Even has a chance 
To make me crunch.

What I know is,
I can not walk in straight lines unless someone is there
To hold my hand. 
And there is no one.

Something I notice right away is that you capitalize the first letter of each line. Why did you make that choice?

The poem feels lonely. It's not an abandoned speaker, because being abandoned means they had someone to abandon them, but an unnoticed speaker. There are so many poems written about abandonment/loss of a loved one, that this is an interesting contrast. The speaker here would be glad to have been abandoned, as at least it would be an emotional experience.

I'm not one to really give much advice, because I'm by no means a good poet. All I could offer is that I think you could shorten a few areas, and thereby sharpen them.