The Basket Falls, edit 1.5 (ray, ella)

[rayheinrich]

Noted. I like that suggestion; changing it.
Punctuation edits noted. Changing, except for 9: see note below.
I can't entirely see the full significance of "would-have-beens" over "could-have-beens", but I'll still change it. The only reason I chose one over the other is because I distinctly remember some poem using the phrase, but I don't remember what the poem is (and that really annoys me).
Stench: noted. Suggestion? It is a good deal too harsh, I guess, and though the harshness is good as a contrast for what was just detailed, it is too ungraceful for anything -- Maybe try to tie it to the general theme of sight, and, well, use "sight"? But I'm going with the slightly meeker "smell", for now, just to not make the image-movement to the next line too discontinuous.
Aye for the capitals.

Line 9: It could be, but it isn't, because that line deals with a sort of different thing. Note the tense for that, the preceding, and the succeeding clauses; further note the way, the truth, and the life. But maybe there's a better way to integrate that...

Re-read in morning light -- you're right about 9.

"Would-have-beens" denotes personal decision.
"Could-have-beens" denotes luck or outside forces.
I suggested it because I thought it would be more poetically romantic to blame one's self.
("Might-have-beens" -- just as a note as I still prefer the "would" one -- denotes an alternative that may or
may not have been possible. "Could" and "would" usually denote actual possibilities.)

I thought of "stink", but that's not right either. So yes, "smell" might be a bit mundane, but it fits that spot
better than anything else I can think of.  There's more than enough other excitement going on anyway.
Ray