10-29-2015, 02:27 PM
why do you call it a string of dots when it has a name within grammar and punctuation (elipses) and denotes a pause within speech.
I won't defend the mess of this poem which is why i shared it for critique (which i do appreciate your thorough inspection). I especially despise the first "stanza"
most notably the last run-on sentence you mentioned. I was attempting to convey the feelings of anxiety when one's mind rambles on about love lossed and feelings of loneliness. It wasn't necessarily supposed to be comprehendable but to leave the reader with a sense of confusion that i hoped I could clear up in the body of the poem.
Obviously if i'm having to explain that I was less than successful.
You point out "Curtains of your hearth and heart" with the notated (!?) and i'm guessing this is because of the word Hearth and it's most popular meaning which references fire places. However historically the word was also used to describe a home in general because of the central importance of the Hearth in one's home. (it is however quite possible that I completely misinterpreted that definition of the concept of "hearth")
I was attempting to paint the "heart of the home" and feeling welcomed there. The Narrator is the stain btw.
I'm probably frolicking in abstraction and frivolity but there are elements of this poem that i do hesitate to walk away from.
All in all I will take what you have said into well received consideration for a rewrite.
Thanks again
I won't defend the mess of this poem which is why i shared it for critique (which i do appreciate your thorough inspection). I especially despise the first "stanza"
most notably the last run-on sentence you mentioned. I was attempting to convey the feelings of anxiety when one's mind rambles on about love lossed and feelings of loneliness. It wasn't necessarily supposed to be comprehendable but to leave the reader with a sense of confusion that i hoped I could clear up in the body of the poem.
Obviously if i'm having to explain that I was less than successful.
You point out "Curtains of your hearth and heart" with the notated (!?) and i'm guessing this is because of the word Hearth and it's most popular meaning which references fire places. However historically the word was also used to describe a home in general because of the central importance of the Hearth in one's home. (it is however quite possible that I completely misinterpreted that definition of the concept of "hearth")
I was attempting to paint the "heart of the home" and feeling welcomed there. The Narrator is the stain btw.
I'm probably frolicking in abstraction and frivolity but there are elements of this poem that i do hesitate to walk away from.
All in all I will take what you have said into well received consideration for a rewrite.
Thanks again