October the First

[Quixilated]

October the First

I long for that longing. 
The night’s coldness creeps intome,
the farthest reaches of my body.
And I wish I had someone to wish for,
 
someone to ache for,
someone to bring back the warmth in my fingertips,
toes,
the tip of my nose.

The lack of hurting hurts.
Despising the emptiness of my bed
would at least mean it was once full.
The lack of a feeling makes me feel more.
I am having trouble with this line. I know it is phrased this way to match the others like it, and those work for me. But this one doesn't work logistically, to both lack feeling and feel more. However, simply rephrasing could solve the conundrum. I understand what you are meaning to say "The absence of certain feelings leaves a void that feels, possibly, more acute than the feelings would feel if they had been there instead." But obviously it needs to be condensed to something like what you have. I've been playing around with it and can't find the right solution. Which is for the best, since it's not my poem. But It seems like just one or two words tweaked could make the meaning more clear. Something like "The lack of this feeling," or "The lack of one feeling."

It makes the fall leaves fall harder, 
like the world collapses-
or at least a world collapses-
as each one tumbles down. I lke this image.

Its final destination is "Its" =posessive, "it's"= it is
simply the crunch of a step 
on the way to 
wherever you are going.

But, if I am the leaf,
no shoe has cared enough to notice me,
to come across me,
even to step on me. 

I may be shrivelled and soggy
before anyone
even has a chance 
to make me crunch.

What I know is,
I can not walk in straight lines unless someone is there
to hold my hand, 
and there is no one.
The poem, for me, would have more impact if you end on the second to last verse instead. This last one doesn't fit with the previous imagery, and feels like you are spelling it out for the reader just in case they didn't get it. It would be much better to leave me with the image of a shriveled leaf, so lonely it would be happy to get stepped on simply because it wants to feel something, even if that something is the destruction of a crunch.

I like how this poem captures that intensified loneliness and longing that the first cold days of fall seem to bring with it. I made mostly little suggstions here and there. And that's what they are, merely suggestions, options if you want them, another way to look at things. I do have trouble with that feeling line, but in the end it was clear what you meant, even phrased as it is, and perhaps that's what matters in the end. All the best,
-Quix