Scotch's First Piece

[thewatson]

I really like the idea of this poem. Although, the meter is quite off, and just a few of the rhymes seemed somewhat forced. The rhythm and meter can be fixed by simply adding or subtracting if you words, or switching the "isn't", too "is not" for example. When revising my poems, sometimes I add a word like "and" or "I" at the beginning of a line in a stanza just so that when you read the poem out loud there's a rhythm to it, a.k.a. (what I understand to be meter)..

If this were my poem, and I wanted to rewrite the last stanza it would go a little something like this:

Landing gently in your hand, after what seems like eternity,
granting your one and only wish that one day I return.
A recognizable feeling, when I'm with you its called serenity.
If I lose myself, I'll always consider, everything about you I wish I could learn

However, keep in mind I'm just a beginner, but when I set out for rhyme scheme, I prefer them to be exact rhymes..
Therefore, I probably would not use the words he turned a T and serenity. Although they are very appropriate, I don't know, there's just something about not exact rhymes that barge me.

But overall the symbolic meaning of the poem is excellent. I think that with a few revisions this could be a great piece of work..