08-22-2015, 07:10 PM
I agree with jennsmith61, changing between the eel/snake makes it strange... Perhaps try sticking with the snake? Also, perhaps try working on the meter? I struggle with that a lot too. Here is what I would do with the first stanza:
A diamond is your heart
I aim to make it mine
A priz-ed piece of art (meter things)
A serpent guards inside
Just my two cents!! Keep at it!! If you do decide to edit it, post it on here so we can see!
A diamond is your heart
I aim to make it mine
A priz-ed piece of art (meter things)
A serpent guards inside
Just my two cents!! Keep at it!! If you do decide to edit it, post it on here so we can see!