Scotch's First Piece

[MattVoscinar]

I think the most important steps to improving these poems are:

1) Fix the spelling, capitalization and apostrophe issues: I’ve, known, I, I’m, etc.
2) The biggest thing is cutting out unnecessary wording.

• [Then I see you, as this heavenly angel, in a bright white dress.]

• Remove “I” “as this” and “in.” This may not seem like much, but doing this type of editing throughout the piece will increase its readability.

3) Mark is correct in pointing out the forced rhymes. This piece feels constricted by your attempts to follow a rigid scheme. Consider removing rhyme altogether and seeing what word choices are opened up to you.

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Making these changes will drastically improve the poem as a whole and lead you to a much clearer piece. I hope to see a revised edition in the future!