Routes and Regrets

[John]

Pile Up

Commuting home from work from where else in the sense of commuting?
stuck in a pile up
started by an accident up the road. This explanation doesn't appear relevant.

Now is the best time to call her.
An hours wait highway ahead. in traffic.
Sadly, their relationship This seems to move from an ill-defined first person to narrative/authorial voice, and you've told us it's all over before the tale has begun.
had a beginning
and an end.

Shutting his phone
in frustration.
He knew the woman
who loves him is moving away.

Holding in the pain until then.
Logic was on his side,
his heart was not.

That moment he knew,
there was no right,
no wrong.

Just a wall
constructed again
to protect him
from feeling.

A choice made to preserve
his home.

He knows this space,
a waiting room.
He sits,
indifferent instrumentals
vibrating with no purpose
but to fill the void.

Noticing wheels
turning in front of him.
Looking up he puts down and he hits the gas.
the gas.

Hi, Bunx,

I've only addressed the first two stanzas, and the last. Just representative of the whole for you to cascade through if you wish.

You've scope here to put your mixed tenses into one or the other, and tighten it all up by removing unnecessary words (and this will aid clarity.)

This is a popular topic, and not easy to be different. Your last stanza and its ambiguity could really sum up how this character feels.

Thanks for the opportunity to read it.

Cheers