Love is like a flower

[tectak]

Little things mean a lot...to begin with a cliche...so a run through...
Drought has swept through all the land "all the" is weak and seems to make you a meter whore. "Has" or "had swept"? So. "Drough had swept across the land" seems to make easier reading. Certainly "had" and "across" make for clarity."
We wistfully reminisce of the rains of last year; "wistfully" seems redundant in front of "reminisce"...it says "We wistfully wistfully recall of(?) the rains of last year". Do you reminisce "of"? Surely, one reminisces "about"? A moot point.
The budding romance it had so furnished It? What is "it". Do you refer to the rains? Then plural. Take care. You are not reading your work out loud. You are a veritable treasure chest of cliches. " budding romance" and "sorrowful tear" are both suspect.
And together shed a sorrowful tear I cannot pretend that the silly habit of capitalising every line is working. It forces you to capitalise conjunctions

Passion once held us together
And together we stayed
And though, love, we said it’d never, Dreadful. Surely you can see that? This whole stanza is an unnecessary example of hopeless grammar, syntax,intent and competence. You are better than this and would have been seen to be so by losing this stanza in the edit.
Passion mercilessly strayed

So just as autumn follows summer Cliche...which is also slantingly inaccurate. Autumn DOES follow summer...in fact it begins. So ALL things have not come to an end. You are reeling out mismatched cliches. Why? This is just lazy.
All things must come to an end Cliche...How many times have you read this line. Use your OWN words.
I hope that though you are no longer my lover
You will stay and remain my friend Punctuation would normally help but in this weird world of meandering meter it is probably inconsequential.

So there is no need to weep
Nor is there to cry
Love is like a beautiful flower
Even the most beautiful kinds die YUKKKK! I only just got that out as I was choking on cliches. I think this stanza is unsalvageable.


As others will tell you, this kind of "love" poetry is very difficult to pull off as so much is cliche before you start. The moon, June, spoon syndrome is only part of it. You MUST read your work out loud then edit the hell out of it until it is as near perfect as you can get. You write with heart but that is not enough. I would enjoy reading a poem of passion from you which had as the subject matter some poignant and novel vignette...provided you punctuated to clarity, avoid cliches, stopped getting "andy", dropped the unrelated "it" word and said something, anything, in a new way. That you want to write poetry is beyond doubt...but do not think it is easy. If you want critique then this is where you belong.
Best,
tectak

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I re-wrote this because I originally intended my original poem to be about a poem at the twilight of their relationship, breaking up mutually, but I changed the theme and it got a negative response. So, hopefully, this re-write gets a better one. Thanks!