Love is like a flower
#2
(08-06-2015, 11:06 AM)joesammsington Wrote:  We sit on the bench, watching the river
As it slowly passes along
I hold you as you quiver
and say you’ve done nothing wrong

Neither have I, for love is not everlasting
All good things must come to an end
Please take me at my word
When I say I want to remain your friend

I pick up a red rose
A gust of wind blows its petals away
I am sorry they have left
Yet I don't want them to stay

A bittersweet air hangs before us
A beautiful twilight flashes into my eye
Loves is like a flower
For even the most beautiful kinds die
The writing in this poem is better, but I can't stand the content of it.  I'll tell you why.  The "I" in the poem is a pretentious arsehole hiding behind pretty words and images.  If I had to say what this poem meant as I read it, it would be:

--I'm ending this relationship
--You're quivering because I obviously led you on and am now leaving you
--No, she's done nothing wrong, other than fall for the predatory "I" in the poem who's going to use her and leave
--"Neither have I, for love is not everlasting"...now the "I" in the poem is trying to say that they are just as big of a victim in this (Pew!)
--"Please take me at my word...I want to remain your friend..." (Vomit!)
--And all the rest of the poem seems like it's trying to make pretty what a dick the "I" in the poem was.

Rarely do I just immediately hate a poem.  This I did.  I want poetry to make me feel more human.  This made me feel less so.

Sorry.
You can't hate me more than I hate myself.  I win.

"When the spirit of justice eloped on the wings
Of a quivering vibrato's bittersweet sting."

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Messages In This Thread
Love is like a flower - by joesammsington - 08-06-2015, 11:06 AM
RE: Love is like a flower - by NobodyNothing - 08-06-2015, 11:53 AM
RE: Love is like a flower - by joesammsington - 08-06-2015, 12:12 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by newsclippings - 08-06-2015, 12:15 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by newsclippings - 08-06-2015, 11:54 AM
RE: Love is like a flower - by joesammsington - 08-06-2015, 12:35 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by NobodyNothing - 08-06-2015, 12:04 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by NobodyNothing - 08-06-2015, 12:15 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by NobodyNothing - 08-06-2015, 12:27 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by billy - 08-06-2015, 05:28 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by joesammsington - 08-06-2015, 06:57 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by sunilmathur - 08-08-2015, 11:35 AM
RE: Love is like a flower - by Jezie - 08-09-2015, 10:54 AM
RE: Love is like a flower (Rev. #2) - by Brownlie - 08-06-2015, 03:02 PM
RE: Love is like a flower (Rev. #2) - by tectak - 08-06-2015, 04:43 PM
RE: Love is like a flower (Rev. #2) - by tectak - 08-06-2015, 06:24 PM
RE: Love is like a flower - by tectak - 08-06-2015, 07:16 PM



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