Death's Gift (changed from Rich)

[billy]

try and cut back on the words. as is it feels too drawn out

ie;

Riches aren't gold pieces
they're used to keep attention fixed
on illusion.

the poem
needs to be more poetry than prose. use simile/metaphor, alliteration etc, [check out the flash cards or use google for [poetic devices]]

Riches aren't always measured
in gold pieces
no, no, no,
those are simply shiny trinkets
to keep our attention fixed
on illusion.

My riches were gained when I learned
how to give life
to a fire,
or when I shared
unconditionally
with another,
or when I spent that afternoon in the forest
with the people I love,
or when I taught that child
how to read
the stars...

When it all comes to that point in life
when we all realize our mortality
for one last time
as we breathe our last moments
of breath,
these are the riches we keep in death.