Ode to Food Porn Edit 1 Thank You For Comments

[Brownlie]

yo ho;

the first two lines open the poem up well and match the title. the third line doesn't work for me and could be destroyed with a borrowed ray-gun 
i did enjoy the read though you have a fair few shorter words that don't help th poem enough to keep

I like it quick and dirty:
quick shots of a breaded breast
without a thought towards flab
or cumbered hearts, i'd suggest a period instead of a comma unless it's part of a choc cake below
airy flesh shots of a chocolate cake,
oriental binded shrimp would bound work better?
or tuna in a sweet hot glaze, use some periods please, the comma's are becoming psychotropic
double decker flanks of brawn bathed
in atomic blasted swaths of aged and curdled mother’s milk, atomic feels out of place
and, perhaps the best of all, perhaps best of all
the globose mounds of retrograded sweetness
in a sundae rigged with glossy maraschino nipples
(caught in the act of dripping cream drops on the malt shop floor). i like the line, it's a good image of hurried enjoyment, what about having it on it's own line in italics instead of ( )'s
The lights and signals inundate the brain,
and I am salivating like a Pavlov’s dog,
lost in the material.

Kind of a gross poem.  this could go somewhere else, maybe outta da windo

Thanks for commenting. I'll incorporate some of your suggestions when I edit this.  I think the line breaks were kind of haphazard in this poem, and the whole list got kind of discombobulated.  Fixing the line breaks, well we'll see how that goes. However, the third and last lines will be outta there for sure.