Ode to Food Porn Edit 1 Thank You For Comments

[Magpie]

I like it, it's very much the kind of humour that you do well and I appreciate it. I've left one or two thoughts below.

I like it quick and dirty: --- I'll mention it now, the first sentence is mighty long, but from it I get a sense of the speaker constantly stuffing food in their mouth, more and more. It works well in that sense but perhaps is just a tiny bit too long, but there are bits you could trim from other lines to make it work still.
quick shots of a breaded breast --- The repitition of quick seems awkward here
without a thought towards flab --- As regards the possible trimming of lines could this for example just be 'no flab thoughts' or something better than my suggestion but you get what I mean, I know
or cumbered hearts,
airy flesh shots of a chocolate cake,
oriental binded shrimp
or tuna in a sweet hot glaze, --- could lose the 'or'
double decker flanks of brawn bathed
in atomic blasted swaths of aged and curdled mother’s milk, --- possibly lose the 'and'
and, perhaps the best of all, --- again could trim possibly to just 'best of all'
the globose mounds of retrograded sweetness
in a sundae rigged with glossy maraschino nipples --- love the sound of these lines here I could easily eat these lines no problem.
(caught in the act of dripping cream drops on the malt shop floor). --- Perhaps end that first long sentence in the previous line where the food description ends
The lights and signals inundate the brain,
and I am salivating like a Pavlov’s dog, --- could you actually just be 'Pavlov's dog' then it's like you are the original dog and I think the 'salivating' bit is implied
lost in the material. --- not sure about 'material'

Kind of a gross poem. --- hmmm I would call it hedonistic but yeah... it works

Excellent play with words and use of words also deliciously executed (executed not a good word choice under the circumstances). I think that making the first long sentence as rapid as possible with a couple of trims here and there is the key to...   hmmm the pastry cupboard.

Cheers for the read,

Mark