07-30-2015, 02:31 PM
I like down and dirty (kind of an expert at it). But you didn't quite get me there, slide the metaphor through mud slime, top it off with a sweet creamy froth. Didn't quite get me there.
It's hard to be downright sexy/dirty.
Shit! I wish I had the tools to say what doesn't work...
"I like it quick and dirty...' (okay...cool)
Don't like the *second* "quick" there.
...too many words that don't work for a poem like this..."airy" "atomic" "globose" "retrograded" "glossy"...
I like gross, though.
Lines I liked:
(caught in the act of dripping cream...on the malt shop floor)
I just think that you didn't write the poem that you wanted to write. That you were inhibited in some way from expressing what you wanted to express.
I don't know...bad critic.
It's hard to be downright sexy/dirty.
Shit! I wish I had the tools to say what doesn't work...
"I like it quick and dirty...' (okay...cool)
Don't like the *second* "quick" there.
...too many words that don't work for a poem like this..."airy" "atomic" "globose" "retrograded" "glossy"...
I like gross, though.
Lines I liked:
(caught in the act of dripping cream...on the malt shop floor)
I just think that you didn't write the poem that you wanted to write. That you were inhibited in some way from expressing what you wanted to express.
I don't know...bad critic.
You can't hate me more than I hate myself. I win.
"When the spirit of justice eloped on the wings
Of a quivering vibrato's bittersweet sting."
"When the spirit of justice eloped on the wings
Of a quivering vibrato's bittersweet sting."