07-30-2015, 08:29 AM
I'm basically trying to decode this.
(07-30-2015, 05:16 AM)Leanne Wrote: The day I fell asleep, the lights went onI left some comments. Mainly I was a little confused at certain points, but that may be because it is intentionally ambiguous or I don't get the whole poem.
in studio six. Behind my lids, miles of -- I get the sleeping and the blind prophet. I'm not sure I get the first part about the lights being on.
cable and gaffer tape twisted around Herakles -- The connotative meaning of cable and gaffer tape is giving me a Kevin Sorbo version of Hercules. I'm also not sure on the spelling of Herakles. I've seen it spelled Heracles, but whatever way I'm not sure it really matters.
preparing hydra three ways as Hera criticised
his lack of sauce. Two stars turned to boys on a -- I had to double take through the whole poem to get the cooking.
staging ground and a city wall was raised, razed,
dusted and fed to wolves with crossed eyes. -- This seems to be the Trojan war, and then a move to roman references with the wolves. So, it seems like you have a sort of sweeping prophetic view of history encapsulated here.
I rolled and the world turned with me. Princesses -- I like the idea of someone simply rolling in their sleep, especially considering that their dream world might be their conception of reality.
puzzled isoperimetrically and someone found the salt. -- Well to be honest, much of the geometry and princesses is lost on me. I get the plosives and a possible reference to Greek mathematics.
No, there is no room in this dish for an elephant,
unless poached. Mind, the idols are burning. All is dark. -- The cooking is kind of hidden in the punning, which is an intriguing technique.
Here in sleep, I am divine and diviner. It has happened: -- To me, this divine and diviner/ happened will happened suggests a sort of melodramatic prophesy. Perhaps the language could be changed to suggest the same thing without repetition?
it will happen. Myth and man are no mystery. You turn
your back, fiddle and the world catches fire. Where are
your roses now? Nobody will have you. You are evicted,
extracted, amazed. I offer you my vision.
Tomorrow I will wake to blindness, rise, and tread my eyes -- This is probably fine, but I had trouble connecting "treading" to eyeballs, though I've heard of trodden dream coats in poems.
into the dirt. You will never see. -- Not sure who "you" is.

