07-15-2015, 12:11 AM
Disclaimer: Novice critic here, take with salt.
I like how everything in this poem is artificial. The scent comes from a can. The defiance is caused by the music. The sorrow comes from the drink. The speaker wants to feel or be other than he/she is, and so creates the mood. Is that why they are afraid to turn on the lights? It will break the spell and then they will see there are no lilacs, no defiance, no sorrow? The people in the room are basically having a manufactured or "canned" experience. I like that we are left to imagine the daylight reality for ourselves. I can't decide between vanilla people who want to feel wilder than they really are, or broken people who want to feel something, even if it's fake.
(07-14-2015, 12:16 PM)i.might.be.a.bit.sad Wrote: lilacs sweetened the air,I don't exactly have suggestions for change that could trump what has already been said. But I thought I would tell you what I get out of it, and if that's not at all what you mean, then maybe that will give you some direction as well?
or rather the canned scent they shove
into bottles and pump
into motel rooms.
we turned on classic rock
to make us feel defiant
and drank bourbon because it
tastes like sorrow.
we danced in the dark,
too drunk to turn on the lights,
or maybe just afraid of what we might see.
I like how everything in this poem is artificial. The scent comes from a can. The defiance is caused by the music. The sorrow comes from the drink. The speaker wants to feel or be other than he/she is, and so creates the mood. Is that why they are afraid to turn on the lights? It will break the spell and then they will see there are no lilacs, no defiance, no sorrow? The people in the room are basically having a manufactured or "canned" experience. I like that we are left to imagine the daylight reality for ourselves. I can't decide between vanilla people who want to feel wilder than they really are, or broken people who want to feel something, even if it's fake.
The Soufflé isn’t the soufflé; the soufflé is the recipe. --Clara
