Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
#18
(04-01-2015, 09:04 PM)Bananadon Wrote:  Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And noticed from just their touch
That they've paid for all of their sins?
As living with guilt is far too much.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the tide of their misery
Crash against the palm of your hand?
A life story in one moment of synergy.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer,
And felt the sweat of their crimes?
When closer than any other,
You understand they've done their time.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Their grip, so tight, like love's grasp,
And their eyes pierce yours,
As if to say, how they long to correct their past.

Have you ever shaken hands with a killer?
Most have, but few recall,
For they are many in number, but still so rare to find,
They do so much to hide their evil.

Have you ever shaken hands with me?
If so I hope you know my dread,
For what I've done is inexcusable,
And all that I love, is dead.
I appreciate the originality of this poem. I tend to be more of a classically-bent person when it comes to poetry so I appreciate the fact that you have kept the same number of verses per stanza. Also, I appreciate the fact that you have kept the same rhyme scheme of ABCB, it gives consistency to your poem. I wish you would use better imagery. Some of the imagery you use can be a bit forced, or at least cliched.
Such as the phrase "a life story in a moment of synergy". The term synergy feels a bit out of place, and this feels a bit forced. I would have preferred "a life story in a moment of understanding" but this does not necessarily rhyme. Another phrase that seems out of place is "Their grip so tight, like love's grasp".

Also, it seems that your verses first start with rhythm before becoming longer in rhythm and uneven.

Overall, however, I like the progression. I like that this poem leads voice to the cry of former criminals and is a bit effective at generating empathy. I like the reveal at the end, as to how the killer is actually revealed to be the poet himself.

I enjoyed your poem very much.
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Have you ever shaken hands with a killer? - by PsychicMice - 06-05-2015, 11:36 AM
RE: Have you ever shaken hands with a killer? - by jbw1277 - 06-06-2015, 12:46 AM
RE: Have you ever shaken hands with a killer? - by AeroSmitty - 07-10-2015, 08:24 AM
RE: Have you ever shaken hands with a killer? - by ThePen - 07-14-2015, 03:01 AM



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