07-10-2015, 06:24 PM
[quote='TheOnlyRedSmurf' pid='193700' dateline='1436505625']
The twigs are scattered
The wrappings stained
The litter lies beneath and
Angels repaired what remained.
it's short on purpose, I really don't like doing the rhyming thing.
maybe a pointer or two would help it expand, add a stanza before this one?
It's not developed enough for full critique
[/quote
Hello red,
You write in sentences.Put a period at each line end and lose the "and" word...
now you can call it "Seeing Red".
...but call it some bloody thing.
respect,
tectak
The twigs are scattered
The wrappings stained
The litter lies beneath and
Angels repaired what remained.
it's short on purpose, I really don't like doing the rhyming thing.
maybe a pointer or two would help it expand, add a stanza before this one?
It's not developed enough for full critique
[/quote
Hello red,
You write in sentences.Put a period at each line end and lose the "and" word...
now you can call it "Seeing Red".
...but call it some bloody thing.
respect,
tectak