06-29-2015, 08:16 AM
I think the first stanza of your revision is better than the first, the structure flows much better.
I prefer the original second stanza to the revision, the second line in particular
I also agree with the other poster that your last line in your original is a lot more powerful than the revision edit.
In all though, nice poem, i like the tone of it.
I prefer the original second stanza to the revision, the second line in particular
Quote:You said you were past it, but is anyone really past it?I feel is much better than the revision's becuase it implies a lot more regarding the narrative of the story.
I also agree with the other poster that your last line in your original is a lot more powerful than the revision edit.
In all though, nice poem, i like the tone of it.