Year in Review

[Wjames]

I havent posted ina long while, but i suppose theres no time like the present to begin again.... I wrote this quite a while ago, but i always like to hear other opinons/critiques on my older poems.

Gasping hearts, heavy eyes,
both red and raw with feel. I think you could use a better word than "feel"; describing the feeling further (along the same vein as red and raw). Especially since you use "feelings" two more times in the poem.
Taking hands and locking stares.
My true feelings concealed.

I grasp the sharpie in my hand,
she takes me to last night. What happened last night? I don't know.
Feelings flood, I wish to speak,
instead I simply write.

H.A.G.S....K.I.T
In her yearbook. I've never heard of those acronyms myself. I sort of get why you used the acronyms though, it further devalues the message.

I like the idea of the poem, the emptiness of most yearbook messages, when you may want to write/say much more. I think you could definitely improve the poem though, hopefully my thoughts are of some use to you.