06-19-2015, 05:24 PM
watch out for clichés heavy eyes/feelings flood/red raw....
the first verse needs some good image to make it stand out what does, red and raw with feel mean?
the first verse needs some good image to make it stand out what does, red and raw with feel mean?
(06-19-2015, 10:42 AM)hopefularahant Wrote: I havent posted ina long while, but i suppose theres no time like the present to begin again.... I wrote this quite a while ago, but i always like to hear other opinons/critiques on my older poems.
Gasping hearts, heavy eyes,
both red and raw with feel.
Taking hands and locking stares.
My true feelings concealed.
I grasp the sharpie in my hand,
she takes me to last night. is she the [sharpie] or is the sharpie an it?
Feelings flood, I wish to speak,
instead I simply write.
H.A.G.S....K.I.T had to look this up can it be said in a more informing way?
In her yearbook.