Year in Review

[Magpie]

Hi, I was really struggling to understand this at first and a couple of things led to total confusion until I did a bit research. The confusion was to do with 'colloquialisms' of a sort, I'll explain as I go.

Gasping hearts, heavy eyes, --- I know what you are meaning here, but can a heart gasp? Possibly in the sense 'to crave' which is listed as one of the definitions but I feel there could be an alternative.
both red and raw with feel. --- careful of cliches 'red raw'?
Taking hands and locking stares.
My true feelings concealed.

I grasp the sharpie in my hand, --- this was my first stumble as I thought 'sharpie' was a knife or blade of sorts -- I now know it is a pen -- although I was quite enjoying the 'sinister' turn of events
she takes me to last night.
Feelings flood, I wish to speak,
instead I simply write.

H.A.G.S....K.I.T --- I had not a single clue about this and I'm not sure if anyone outside U.S./Canada would know. I now know it means 'Have a good summer' and I'm presuming K.I.T is something like 'keep in touch' or 'keep it together'
In her yearbook.

The only reason I struggled with this is basically because I'm British and wasn't aware of a couple of terms like 'sharpie', which I honestly at first thought was a knife. Now after much research and finding out what 'H.A.G.S.' means I can see what your idea was and it makes sense, a kind of cliche used with a purpose and therefore not a cliche. It's an awkward choice to have to make to change elements of your poem to make it more universal whilst risking its 'down to earth' element. If 'sharpie' has another connotation to it I am unaware of what it is, if you feel that it loses nothing by changing it to 'pen' or something similar I would change it. The H.A.G.S. bit isn't as straightforward as that so all I can suggest is a footnote which isn't ideal but definitely would help, especially with poor lost 'foreigners' like me 
When I got there, it made sense and I like the concept, it just took me a while to get there, but that's not your fault.

Cheers for the read,

Mark