06-15-2015, 02:59 AM
Hey WJ. I really like that your rhymes are easy in strophe 1 but not so much in strophe 2. Line 5 is my favorite. "In cellars..." the sonics and meter are great. Not sure about the quotes on "combatants". Quotes always feel like over-direction to me. Is there another way you could do it? I dunno.
Thanks for the read,
Paul
Thanks for the read,
Paul
(06-15-2015, 02:44 AM)Wjames Wrote: This might be required reading: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraordinary_rendition
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I’ve heard from a shadow, behind the man’s back:
we’ve side-stepped conventions, and covered our tracks.
Of course there are places, to put on a show:
where nobody’s watching, and no one will know.
In cellars of countries coerced and then gagged,
lie kidnapped “combatants”, not charged, but harangued:
accused of abetting vile terrorist scum,
their rights are worth nothing, defending freedom.
