06-06-2015, 08:29 AM
There were quite a few points while reading that I did a signature 'sharp exhale' (aka the Internet version of laughing), so bravo. The last two lines wrap the poem up succinctly and cleverly, with the double meaning of 'period'. I'd suggest using a full stop after "So I don't forget you" though, as it would give the final word even more impact.
I also think that 'uterus' probably only needed to be used once, in the sixth stanza. You make it clear that you're talking about your period in the first line, so the fifth line may benefit more from a metaphor that continues the theme of the CAPS part just before it - something about screaming with barely masked glee?
Aside from that, I'm really not sure what needs to be improved. I think you should probably take this whole comment with a pinch of salt to be honest!
I also think that 'uterus' probably only needed to be used once, in the sixth stanza. You make it clear that you're talking about your period in the first line, so the fifth line may benefit more from a metaphor that continues the theme of the CAPS part just before it - something about screaming with barely masked glee?
Aside from that, I'm really not sure what needs to be improved. I think you should probably take this whole comment with a pinch of salt to be honest!