06-06-2015, 07:02 AM
Hi 
To start out i really enjoyed reading this. The rhyme and flow is very good and definitely kept me entertained.
My only critic's would be in S4 Line 4 the 'how' seems unnecessary and i feel it could be removed all together.
And then overall S5 feels somewhat awkward to me? I feel like the scheme was completely broke and that the feeling could still be portrayed without breaking the overall flow.
Great start
To start out i really enjoyed reading this. The rhyme and flow is very good and definitely kept me entertained.
My only critic's would be in S4 Line 4 the 'how' seems unnecessary and i feel it could be removed all together.
And then overall S5 feels somewhat awkward to me? I feel like the scheme was completely broke and that the feeling could still be portrayed without breaking the overall flow.
Great start